Use this recipe as a guide, not dogma. Vary the ingredients according to what you have in the garden, but definitely follow the instructions on frying the okra. It makes a huge difference.
Mix the shallot with the cider vinegar and allow to sit at room temperature. Doing this first slightly pickles the shallot and removes that raw onion taste.
While you are slicing the okra, heat the oil to 325°F. Fry 1/3 of the okra at a time, for about 3 minutes per batch. Set on paper towels when each batch is done and salt immediately. When you are done, remove the oil from the heat and set the okra aside.
Add all the ingredients except the sesame seeds and mix well in a large bowl. Serve everyone some and top with the sesame seeds.